 | Mark Wahlberg | .... | John Bennett |
| Mila Kunis | .... | Lori Collins |
| Seth MacFarlane | .... | Ted (voice) |
| Joel McHale | .... | Rex |
| Giovanni Ribisi | .... | Donny |
| Patrick Warburton | .... | Guy |
| Matt Walsh | .... | Thomas |
| Jessica Barth | .... | Tami-Lynn |
| Aedin Mincks | .... | Robert |
| Bill Smitrovich | .... | Frank |
| Patrick Stewart | .... | Narrator (voice) |
| Norah Jones | .... | Herself |
| Sam J. Jones | .... | Himself |
| Tom Skerritt | .... | Himself |
| Brett Manley | .... | Young John |
| Ralph Garman | .... | John's Dad |
| Alex Borstein | .... | John's Mom |
| John Viener | .... | Alix |
| Laura Vandervoort | .... | Tanya |
| Robert Wu | .... | Asian Man 'Ming' |
| Ginger Gonzaga | .... | Gina |
| Jessica Stroup | .... | Tracy |
| Melissa Ordway | .... | Michelle |
| Max Harris | .... | Greenbaum Kid |
| Zane Cowans | .... | Kid #1 |
| Zane Cowans | .... | Young Ted's Voice |
| T. J. Hourigan | .... | Kid #2 |
| Owen Clarke | .... | Kid #3 |
| Kristina Ellery | .... | Heavenly |
| Katelyn Lorren | .... | Cherene |
| Chanty Sok | .... | Angelique |
| Sarah Fischer | .... | Sauvignon Blanc |
| Cassie Djerf | .... | Waitress |
| Joe Sirani | .... | Guy at Table #1 |
| Pat Shea | .... | Guy at Table #2 |
| Paul Campbell | .... | Guy in Line |
| Josh Duvendeck | .... | Guy #1 |
| Chris Cox | .... | Guy #2 |
| Henry Penzi | .... | Partygoer (Ted's Buddy) |
| Talía Cabrera | .... | Girl at Party |
| Colton Shires | .... | Teenage John |
| Viera Andrea Moya | .... | Plymouth PR Worker |
| Heajee Kim | .... | Club Girl |
| Lydia Hannibal | .... | Ellen |
| Shawn Thornton | .... | Crazy Guy |
| Eric Weinstein | .... | Stagehand |
| Danny Smith | .... | Waiter |
| Mike Nikitas | .... | Newscaster |
| Robin Hamilton | .... | Female Newscaster |
| Mike Henry | .... | Southern Newscaster |
| Johnny Lee Davenport | .... | Husband |
| Christina Everett | .... | Wife |
| Ray Romano | .... | Himself |
| Kilo Alexander | .... | Rock Star Party Guest (uncredited) |
| Jenny Allford | .... | Party Chick (uncredited) |
| Emmalyn Anderson | .... | Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
| Alecia Batson | .... | Girl Feeding Waterfowl (uncredited) |
| Marshall Berenson | .... | Business Executive (uncredited) |
| Ronald Boone | .... | Liberty Mechanic (uncredited) |
| Paul Bronk | .... | Karaoke Lounge Patron (uncredited) |
| Jeff T. Buco | .... | Pedestrian (uncredited) |
| Ryan Butcher | .... | Callum Oldfield (uncredited) |
| Johnny Carson | .... | Himself (archive footage) (uncredited) |
| Jeffrey Corazzini | .... | Photographer (uncredited) |
| Madison Dae Clarion | .... | Flower Girl (uncredited) |
| Ted Danson | .... | Himself (uncredited) |
| Richard DeAgazio | .... | Restaurant Patron (uncredited) |
| Devon Diep | .... | Karaoke Singer #4 (uncredited) |
| Aaron Dorsey | .... | Extra (uncredited) |
| Alex East | .... | Hot Girl (uncredited) |
| Jaquelyn Fabian | .... | Fraternity Girl (uncredited) |
| Shawn Fogarty | .... | PR Firm Employee (uncredited) |
| Evan Fonseca | .... | Man at Concert (uncredited) |
| John Franchi | .... | Tourist (uncredited) |
| John Franchi | .... | Pedestrian (uncredited) |
| Alexander 'Alex' Garde | .... | Boy at Aquarium (uncredited) |
| Sophia Gilberto | .... | Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
| Enku Gubaie | .... | Party Guest (uncredited) |
| Rosemary Howard | .... | Pedestrian at Irish Pub (uncredited) |
| Frankie Imbergamo | .... | Tourist (uncredited) |
| Mike Jablon | .... | Nightclub Manager (uncredited) |
| Olivia Jordan | .... | Party Guest (uncredited) |
| Vinicio Kahdiak Eduardo | .... | Club Patron (uncredited) |
| Colleen Kelly | .... | Rsstaurant Patron (uncredited) |
| Tom Kenny | .... | SpongeBob SquarePants (archive footage) (uncredited, voice) |
| J Parker Kent | .... | Grocery Store Patron (uncredited) |
| Seamus Knight | .... | Extra (uncredited) |
| Ren Knopf | .... | Store Shopper (uncredited) |
| Mark Kubr | .... | Party Goer (uncredited) |
| Kathy LaShay Berenson | .... | PR Employee (uncredited) |
| Rob Lavin | .... | Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
| James L. Leite | .... | Roadie (uncredited) |
| Daniel Lowney | .... | Irishman Arguing Outside Pub (uncredited) |
| Paul Lussier | .... | Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
| Phyllis Lynn | .... | Business Woman (uncredited) |
| Tom Mariano | .... | Wedding Guest (uncredited) |
| Rob Marin | .... | On Stage Security - Boston Hatch Shell (uncredited) |
| Jeff Martineau | .... | Wedding Guest (uncredited) |
| Ed McMahon | .... | Himself (archive footage) (uncredited) |
| Sara Murphy | .... | Wedding Guest (uncredited) |
| Ken Murray | .... | Party Goer (uncredited) |
| Allan Oliveira | .... | Party Guest (uncredited) |
| Ted Oyama | .... | Japanese Newscaster (uncredited) |
| Richard Pacheco | .... | Man in the Common (uncredited) |
| Chris Palermo | .... | Wedding Guest (uncredited) |
| Laura Pizzuti | .... | Party Guest (uncredited) |
| Laura Pizzuti | .... | Concert Guest (uncredited) |
| David Pulson | .... | Roadie (uncredited) |
| Stacey Queripel | .... | Karaoke Singer #2 (uncredited) |
| Donna Glee Reim | .... | Wedding Patron (uncredited) |
| Ryan Reynolds | .... | Jared (uncredited) |
| Mindy Robinson | .... | Hot Chick (uncredited) |
| Kayla Ruhl | .... | Party Goer (uncredited) |
| Megan Sacco | .... | Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
| Nicole Signore | .... | Girl at the Bar (uncredited) |
| Matthew Spinale | .... | Nightclub Patron (uncredited) |
| Jason Leal | .... | Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
| Stream | .... | Club Dancer 2 (uncredited) |
| Tara Strong | .... | Bellybutton (uncredited, voice) |
| Shannon Elaine Sweeney | .... | Extra (uncredited) |
| John Talalas | .... | Dad at Christmas (uncredited) |
| Ally Tully | .... | Cute Girl Groped by Ted (uncredited) |
| Kevin Vila | .... | Grocery Walker (uncredited) |
| Jamie Christopher White | .... | Club Patron (uncredited) |
| Luke Young | .... | Rock Concert Attendee (uncredited) |
Ted
United States
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